Look At Me . . . Bwahahaha

Awww man this saong is so true and I love Geri Halliwell . . so trashy so cheap and tawdry . . just like me it makes me smile every time I hear this song because it reminds me of the good ol' days and how much fun things used to be . . Geru Halliwell? I know you were payin' tribute to me when you wrote this song girl . . . bwahahahahahahahaha awww mean yeah you are STILL one of the HOT list girl heheheheheh

Look At Me - Geri Halliwell

Good-looking, bad-tasting
Full-bodied, butt-wasting
Loose-living, tight-fitting
What you see ain't what you are getting
Big make-up, little break-up
She wants it, he's got it
Cold-blooded, hot gossip
Superficial expectations
Look at me
You can take it all because this face is free
Maybe next time use your eyes and look at me
I'm a drama queen if that's your thing baby
I can even do reality
Fake money, real plastic
Stupid cupid, fantastic
Queer thinking, straight talking
What you see ain't what you are getting
Fast loving, slow moving
No rhythm, but I'm grooving
Old feeling, new beginning
Superficial expectations
Look at me
You can take it all because this face is free
Maybe next time use your eyes and look at me
I'm a drama queen if that's your thing baby
I can even do reality
Sometimes I don't recognise my own face
I look inside my eyes and find disgrace
My little white lies tell a story
I see it all, it has no glory
Hahaha
Look at me
You can take it all because this face is free
Maybe next time use your eyes and look at me
I'm a drama queen if that's your thing baby
I can even do reality
Come and look at me
This face is free
I'm your fantasy
Who do you wannabe?
Not what you see
I'm a drama queen if that's your thing
Come on and look at me
I'm your fantasy
This face is free
Come on and look at me
So who do you wannabe?
This is free...

Pariah Logo's

Woot Woot So Jason got me the final draft issues of the New Pariah Logo . . . Hmmm a few things to look at and go over before I make a decision I guess . . . what do ya'll think????

Meeting Georgie

So I finally met this guy that I have wanted to meet for over a year now. I used to see him at school all the time and he works for this boating company down at the Harbor. His Name Is georgie . .  no really that's his name. Anyhow the reason that I wanted to meet Georige is because he, much like me, is everywhere (everyone else wants to be) and he is STUNNING . . .

 

Now, Georgie isn't gay, nor would I want him to be that would detract from what he is naturally. (Besides I think being gay, would just make him a big ol' girl and that would definitely not make him sexy) Anyhow, I think He is hispanic or something like that but he is very light skinned with the most incredible amazing bone structure and skin and eyes and smile and WOW that's all I can say . . but the reason I wanted to meet him is because we move in the same circles always see one another but have never actually met. Anyhow the opportunity came up when I caught to kids "tagging" the business stand where he works for <a href=" http://www.rainbowrocket.com">Rainbow Rocket</a> so yesterady I saw him for the first time since the incident occurred and I went to let know that if he wasnted a description of the guy and the girl who did the job I could provide it. Anyhow yeah so we started takling and what not and he asked my name and so on and so forthand it was cool . . then I left so no biggie right? well later on I was on my way back via the same path (no it wasn't planned that way) and he said something about school and I said yeah I see him there all the time and he was like cool we chsould hang out . . . and I Wa slike right on . . . but still he's straight . . . I hope (not) bwahahahaah

 

meanwhile this guy is amazing and friendly too so yeah that was a lame post, but would you expect anything less from me??? heheheeh

--
Help keep the Logik Phuzzeh .  . check out my blog . . .

<a href="http://www.phuzzehlogik.blogspot.com">Phuzzehlogik</a>

This Life

Ugh I have doing this life for far too long now and honestly I'm gettin' a lil bit tired of it. I've been living this chaotic mess of controlled mayhem for over 16 years and it all feels so fake and phony and necessary  . . . without it I would nothing with it I am nothing (just less so) but still ugh I'm tired I want to lay down and sleep now . .  for a very long time . . .
--
Help keep the Logik Phuzzeh .  . check out my blog:::

 

http://www.phuzzehlogik.blogspot.com

Lazy . . .just plain lazy~

Lazy
Lazy
lazy

I hate to admit it, but when I get lazy, I get RRREal lazy.

I haven't really put much effort into writing lately and that's not cool I know. If I were really worried about it then I would probably show a little more concer like I might lose my audience or something, but to be honest, I just haven't thought that much of anything is worth writing about lately.

Let's see what's going on in my world . . well I am going to be Volunteering at the Long Beach Gay Pride, but I'll be working with a particular group and not pride itself. I'll be with SLDN the Service Members Legal Defense Network, which is an organization I whole-heartedly endorse! . . I mean come on these guys (and gals) are serving our country . . yet in return they get shafted for being GAY? Come on now . .not cool so yeah I definitely wanna help out with that! . . .

Oh and I am planning on doing a stint volunteering this summer with the American Pride Sailing Ship here in Long BEach at the Rainbow Harbow . . these guys look like that have so much fun out there and it's education too not just for the passengers, but also for people like me. The ship is a three masted schooner and well it reminds me of my days at Disneyland sailing the Columbia (although this is a REAL ship and not a disney-fied boat on a track heheh . . I can't wait

I was going to Volunteer at the Aquarium, but I opted out of that gig . . I think it would have been too much for me to bear, but eh we'll see!

hmmm let's see what else is poppin in my world . . . hmmm I don't know a lot and nothing
I mean there doesn't seem to be much of anything that I find NEWS worthy . .oh other than I have this sick twisted fascination with one of the photographers from the Long Beach Press Telegram. His name is Kevin Chang and I met him last week when that asian guy set himself on fire here at City Hall . . . Kevin Chang . . hmmmmm Mr. Chang if you are out there . .take MY picture!! wait that came out wrong . . if yuo're out there say hi next time!

Speaking of Aquariums . . I'm off to the Aquarium to look at fishies

oh yeah new thing in town . .the district . . these are folks from the OC Weekly who revolted or something the Distric tis the shit check it out at http://www.thedistrictweekly.com


arright until laters . . sean

Opinions Formed

so I have formed my opinion on this whole South Korean KId Shooter thingy . . . but I'm not gonna write about that right now actually I am not gonna right about much of anything at all . . . i think i'm depressed . . i'll write more later some other time tomorrow or something when i've got more time

ugh

I know I know I haven't posted anything in a while. I gues that makes me a heathen, but honestly I'm not sure what to write, or maybe I don't have anything to say right now. I am thinking alot about the events of the past week especially with the incident in Virginia and wht not. I am still trying to make heads or tales of the tragedy, which is why I haven't really been vocal on the matter. I do know it wasn't cool. I do know it's shocking and sad, but still I am not so sure I am the one that should be talking about anything that has to do with that situation . . not yet anyhow.

 

Lately I've been sort of lonely. I mean real lonely. and sad and that's not cool. I'm trying to make heads or tales of that as well /. . . . anyhow I'm off to the Queen Mary now in search of cheapo adventure and to just simply kill some time . . .

 

--
Help keep the Logik Phuzzeh .  . check out my blog . . .

<a href="http://www.phuzzehlogik.blogspot.com">Phuzzehlogik</a>

Goodybye My Lover . . .bwhahahahaha

ugh . . .Sanjaya is GONE . . booted off . . kicked out . . . and to think I was about ready to profess my undying love and devotion to him . . . eh .. .NEEEXXXXTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Synonymous With You

My Love is Your Love by the one and only Diva of the Dance Floor the Crack Whore extravaganza, Whitney "Where's My Crack?" Houston . . . always reminds me of you . . . the last time I saw you . . . but it was the dance floor at the Cafe in the Castro . . Me, Tawal Panyacosit and Neil Cablyan. We were dancing our little hearts out, piss-drunk off our asses . . .and this song, My Love Is Your Love, comes on. You and I hadn't spoken in months, probably would never speak to each other again . . . but for one reason or other I look up and I turn my head to where i instinctually knew you would be and across the dance floor you look up at that exact moment and we make eye contact and stare at each other for that one pregnant moment that seemed to last an eternity. I loved you in that moment. You were my best friend right then. I miss you. I miss talking to you. I miss the planning we used to do. Sure we still run in the same circles, but there are so many things keeping us apart distance schedules life . . . I know you are very successful now and just as I was then I am just as proud of you now . . .

--
Help keep the Logik Phuzzeh . . check out my blog . . .

http://phuzzehlogik.blgospot.com

With Child

Yay!!! I just foundout that my younger sister Kristin is pregnant!!!

 

Now I didn't bother to question whether or not the baby was planned or not, but hey who cares right? it's a baby and baby's are cute . . .

 

so yeah this news has helped lighten the current situation a lil bit . . .

--
Help keep the Logik Phuzzeh .  . check out my blog . . .

http://phuzzehlogik.blgospot.com

Ok, call me a hypocite!

Ok so here I am all defending Sanjaya Malakar and what not . . and what to my wondering eyes should appear??? Sanajaya Malakar acting all QUEER!!!!!

Oh Perez Hilton . . If I didn't abhor him so much I would actually think he was funny!!!

Anyhow thanks to Nareth for brigning this ever so clever picture to my attention poor poor Sanjaya Malakar . . . his mommy must be soooo proud!

Going Legit . . .

So Phuzzehlogik and Phuzzehlogik BackStories are going LEGIT . . . That's right you read it here first . . or maybe second who knows but Phuzzehlogik qualifies under Library of Congress Regulations as a Serial Publication and is therefore entitled to it's own ISSN/ISBN number!!! I'm soooo excited . . why I don't know, but it brings me one step closer to some goal whichever that maybe so yeah . . Stay Tuned!!!!

Grindhouse . . .can Grind on This

Grindhouse is a KICKASS fawking movie . . so incredibly good. I loved every one of the 180 minutes of that movie!!!! and Fergie was HOT . . until she got her brains eaten out by the Zombies . . oh wait did I just spoil the movie for anyone??? hope not anyhow . . you've got to see this movie . . and Rose McGowan said my new favorite quote :::

"That's the trouble with goals. They become something you talk about instead of something you do."

So true so true

Drama Queens and Chinese Chicken (Revised, Remixed and Re-edited)

I'm tired tired tired of Drama Queens . . . so there's this guy . . his name is "J" . . oh wait let's just call him "C" for short . . "C" just moved down to LA from Cupertino California OK? he is here a week . . and decides he wants to go out to the clubs which is fine, but he also decides he wants to get tore up drunk and go around and harass the wannabe "Celebutante's, you know the one's who I'm talking about, they're the one's both you and I know personally and see every week at tiger heat and what not . . . so he goes about writing about them in his blog and trying to publicly humiliate them, all the while though there are pictures of his drunk ass floating around from the same night with him making a complete ass out of himself . . . anyhow, i caught wind it (actually the pictures and the story was emailed to me) and I said hey "J: . . oops "C" . . don't be going around harassing the local wannabe Celebutantes just yet, you're still new to this are and these bitches are fierce, they'll jump your ass stab you in the back and walk away cackling like chickens the first chance they get . . .

so what does he do? he goes all crazy ape shit on my ass . . wanting to know why I am causing drama? (mind you when all this went down I was no where around tiger heat and I could really careless what happens out there besides it's funny when someone gets their asses beat . . . just not my friends, which I considered this fool . . .So, I'm all whoa there Lil buddy . . . I'm just letting you know that you're new meat and these west Hollywood bitches don't take kindly to pretentious arrogant fucks like you who think they are all that but really aren't much more than the True Religions they got plastered on their ass . . so now this little bitch "J" . . .oops "C" of Alhambra, who's only claim to fame is the fact that his beat up ass was on "Tyra" promoting interracial love with a guy who didn't love him, nor even really like him, decides he wants to get up on my shit and basically tell me that I'm the person in the wrong for trying to watch out for him . . . bwahahahah yeah good luck bitch . . I could care less what happens to you and when it happens . . don't think for a minute that I won't be laughing my ass off pointing my finger and saying I told you so . . . now pack up and head home to Cupertino . . this ain't that Castro . . . .

Lurid Stories and Lusty Questions

Just a thought . . or collected thoughts I guess . . .

Love should make you nervous

Love should make you think

Love should make you talk

Love, it's a lurid story

Which would you prefer::: the possibility of losing him or the certainty of never having him??

So what's up with Sanjaya???

OK I have never made an attempt to do battle with the whole American Idol thing on my blog. Actually I have never really wanted to because I very rarely watch it . .

but I am actually kind of tired of people picking on Sanjaya. Why? Because let's face it folks the boy IS in fact talented and what's scarier than that is he is MULTI talented. He has DUPED everyone into thinking him an innocent when in fact he's methodical and to the point he is a marketing genius very smart for what he's done. He's a chameleon and is good at it.

Look at Madonna, she's managed to recreate herself repeatedly and is probably the most successful person at it around. why? because she has endured DECADES of criticism and what not and has managed to come out on top.

I am inclined to think that everyone who is criticizing Sanjaya are doing so out of a certain amount of jealousy. No you don't like him nor do you have to, but I think you are jealous because of the fact that the under dog. the guaranteed loser is in fact still in the race and is winning . . .

Even Simon Cowell was unable to give Sanjaya a criticism last night because of the fact that he has stopped Sucking (Sanjaya) and has become something of a marketing phenom. Good for him!.

Coming from my point of, Sanjaya Malakar is hot. I mean is is actually really cute great hair nice eyes and great lips. so what if he can sing or not . . by the way his rendition of Besame Mucho was great so props to him for persevering when others said that he would fail.

butsted easter

argh sooo much to do I hate Hate Hate HATE long weekends . . . any how, So how was everyone's easter? Better than Mine I hope. mine was a bust, my family never got back to me to let me know whether it was cool to hang out or what not . . essentially they flaked on me, but I guess they are all sick or so I was told . . . no matter though. I hung out with Mariela and Hot Tony for the day so it was cool, but eh what'd I expect to find out the Easter Bunny was Fake? nawww that'll never happen the East Bunny Rocks and is my hero . . well sort of. . . but to be honest I think that fat Bastard Santa Clause and that Tooth Fairy Bitch Told the Easter Bunny I was bad this year

. . . that's just fucked up!!!

These embloms here are part of the NEW logo designs for Pariah (thank you so Much Jason for all your help!) . . .they aren't quite finished yet and are still being developed so watch for more coming examples coming soon (especially the finished product . . oh yeah!!) which will definitely be hot.

A Work In Progress ::: Untitled

I honestly don't know what this is about . . . well that's actually a lie, yes I do know what this is about . . but I am not so sure why I wrote it. I had a dream with this poem (if that's what you call it in it) but yeah I don't recall why I remembered it (yes I do) or why I committed it to memory (yes I do) anyhow I know it reads a little lame now, but give it a minute and I guess it'll make sense . . besides I am gonna work on it and see what become of it! Oh Yeah!!!!



You take a deep breath
and give a last look around
He tries not to lose faith
and you hope not to lose ground

You ask how he's doing
but his answer's the same
It's the one you hate hearing
'Cuz you know you're to blame

He tells you he's fine
and your blood just runs cold
They're the words you hate hearing
But you knew you'd be told

He'd alter his words
If it brought you some peace
But in the end, what's it matter?
You're so hard to please

You tell him your sorry
but what does he care?
When he needed you most
You never were there

He tells you he loves you
after all you've been through
but maybe it's best now
to forget you were two
you'll go on living and maybe it's fine
you two go on being in separate lives

So he picks up his bags
and he heads for the door
he gives a deep sigh and
one last look around
Don't drag this out, it's time
You both know
and he just walks out
Not making a sound

You ask, one last time
before he gets on the plane,
the one that will take him
and speed him away.
How are you doing?
and the last words says
are the ones you hate hearing
Because they're always the same. . . .

"I'm Fine. "I'm always fine"

Stubborn Ass

why are you such a stubborn ass??? why don't you just give up so that we can get on and fix what's wrong and be happy again? why are you sooo fucking blind ???? I Love You you know I do. I'm sorry for what happened I want to make it right I miss you and I need yuo, but you gotta meet me half way. Hurry up already. It's lonely here without you.

My Apologies

Hi!. I know this might sound strange, especially coming from me, but I wanted to apologize to you. I know that I haven't always been kind to you when I should have been. I know that I haven't always been respectful either. I forget sometimes that I'm nobody important and that any pedestal that I feign to be on is a pedestal that I've placed MYSELF upon. With success comes conceit and with popularity comes arrogance. I am neither successful nor popular. I am want to believe I am, but I'm not, however I have the arrogance and conceit of someone who is successful and popular. I am just a person; no great mysteries to uncover no great riddle to unfurl. I am just a person.

I know that my words have been heartless and uncaring; more often than not my words have been blatantly cruel. I know that I have taken you for granted when I should have been far more appreciative if the times we shared and the moments we had. Instead I chose to get caught up in the circumstance. With attention sometimes comes ego. I'm sorry that I was often deceptive. Leading you to believe that I Was someone I wasn't. That I had what I hadn't. That I could do what I couldn't. Instead of being me I became a monster I wasn't. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I assumed a position in our friendship that I wasn't at liberty to take, for stepping over my bounds and not being suited for the role that I took.

I know I have said and done things that may have brought my honesty and integrity into question. I'm sorry for betraying your trust. I apologize for my lies. I'm sorry that there were times when I made you cry with my actions or my words. I should never have thought so much of myself to do such a thing.

I'm not apologizing to you to try and make amends. I'm not necessarily apologizing to you to seek forgiveness either. I believe in time your forgiveness will come to me, if I am deserving of such a thing.

I'm apologizing because I want you to know that I remember. My conscience wont allow me to forget. I don't want to forget. IN all of the hurt that I've caused. Throughout all of the pain I inflicted there was still your smile. I'm sorry. My arrogance. My Belligerence. My Stubbornness. My ego. My Conceit would not allow me to say I'm sorry when I had the chance, when it might have made a difference. I know it's never to late; but now you are gone and my words won't be heard. So for now I'll just go on remembering and please know that I am truly sorry. I'll never forget the hurt that I've caused or the tears that you shed. They affected me more than you know.

How To Become A Liar ( A Lesson In One Easy Step)

So You want to learn how to lie? It's a lot easier than you imagine. Let's say you happen to be walking down the street and you "RUN" into someone you know. It could be anyone. A Friend. An Acquaintance. A Coworker, even a family member. Literally it can be ANYONE. You and your person say "hello" exchange pleasantries when "the" question you fear the most inevitably pops up, like a fat woman at a buffet table. "How are you?" or, "How are Things?" or "How ya doing?" Ugh I hate that question. And now the moment of truth (no pun in tended) do you tell the "truth"? about how you really are? Usually not. Generally speaking everyone lies when answering this question.

So you answer, "Fine." or "Great!" or "Couldn't be better!" When in reality you are homeless on the street, haven't bathed in weeks, sleeping on a bench that's hard as a rock; your feet are killing you from wearing shoes that are too small for you and that you swear to high heaven weren't yours yesterday but somehow managed to acquire today. You're hungry from not eating in days and what you have eaten is still lingering around in the form of diarrhea from some mild form of food poisoning and mentally you are taxed beyond reason. Exhausted from trying to think of a way out of your situation, find a p[lace to take your "whores bath" and shave so that you can keep up the appearance of a normal life . . .

But still you answer, " Couldn't be better!" Why? not just tell the truth?
Because, no one wants to hear it. That's why. Nobody wants to know the truth. It's easier to look the other way. Telling the truth would make it all too personal and knowing the truth would make it awkward. Besides, you're a "Prideful Beast" who wouldn't know how to ask for help if your life depended upon it anyhow.

And now you know . . in one easy step what it takes to tell a lie . . .

Asian Fetish Vs. Rice Queen????

Nathan used to LOVE to be a prick to me (still does love it) He used to take particular pleasure (and I believe finds some twisted sexual gratification in) finding just the right thing that would PISS me off to no end. I guess he thought it was funny. I don't know he's demented like that. Anyhow, he saw my blog on Rice Queens or something like that and we got started on Rice Queens and how I don't feel that I am one. I hate the topic of conversation it annoys the FUCK out of me. Inevitable the conversation ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS ends up in an argument or some heated debate, but I digress.

So after going through the whole rigmarole (does anyone know how to spell this word?) about why I'm not a Rice Queen Nathan decides he's going to try and reword it and call me and Asian Fetishist instead. A "Fetishist", as you well know intelligent as you are dear reader, I as anyone who chooses something and uses that "thing" as their object of desire. Their sexual get off-er or whatever. they live it. They learn it. They LOVE it.m LOVE LOVE LOVE all the way to completion (bwahahahahaah) Needless to say that actually offended me to a certain degree because I've spent my entire educational career working on ways to separate myself from the masses. The only thing I've ever "Fetishized is men, guys, fellas, Cock,n and ass (oh wait guys in Flip Flops too) that would explain why I'm gay. (D'uhhhhhhhhh) I don't care if the guy I'm fucking is white, Asian, Latino, black, middle eastern, or what. I don't care if the dude sucking my cock is Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, German, Check, Russian, Australian or what I don't care, sex is sex. My requirements are few, yes I definitely prefer my fella ethnic. I prefer them to have dark hair and dark eyes. I prefer them to have a descent personality. Where in any of that do I even hint at being racially predisposed to Asian Guys? I don't but Nathan is as he always was, which is, an asshole and since he's such a miserable person on the inside he's got to direct that negativity towards others. And yet again I digress . . .

Lucky Penny

OK this is lame I know, but I'm a believer in "lucky pennies". If I see a penny on the ground I'll say to myself the whole little poem/mantra thingy; "Find a penny, pick it up all day long you'll have good luck." I'm not so sure if it really works or not, but I believe therefore I'm OK with looking like an idiot walking down the street picking up pennies . . . they're good luck, but here's my question. When does a lucky penny stop being a lucky penny? As soon as you pick up another lucky penny? When the day that you find the original lucky penny ends? What's this about pennies that are "tails up" being bad luck??? Is this madness true? Now I have sooo man questions about a penny!!!!!

Can't we all just get along???

Tanjia and I were talking the other day (yesterday really) about people we like and people we don't care for. Who we get along with and who we don't and I started thinking. Who is it that I get along with . .  I don't mean personally I mean generally what are the kinds of people that I get along with?

 

Well for starters I get along with Black Chicks . . . why? probably because I'm not afraid to open my mouth and stand up to them. I'm loud and can be just as obnoxious as they are . .  and that's cool

 

I don't geneerally get along with black guys . . . they're scary. Even gay black guys and I don't get along. I think that has to do with the fact that there are very few gay black guys that I think are hot. Now straight or straight acting black guys . .  that's a different story altogether. Lately my interest has been being raised (ahem) considerably if ya know what I mean

 

Asian guys and I get along great (except for God's Catastrophe . . . he knows who he is) It's nto even a sexual thing it's just we have more in common make better friends and yeah it's just asian guys and i click

 

Asian chicks and I however /. / / oh for the love of god . .  they are all useless as far as i'm concerned (there are exceptions to this rule of course just as there are exceptions to all the rules)

 

Now I get along equally well with both Latino guys and Latino girls . . .  straight . .  but generally not gay .  . latino guys are only slightly less bitchy than God's Catastrophe and make way too many high pitched screams

 

Middle eastern guys . .  I don;t really know any Middle eastern chicks it's like the black chicks we're good together . . ..

 

white folks you ask? ugh do we even need to go there . .  I'm not racist against my own "perceived" kind (I'm hal;f irish half cherokee) but come on now there is something really regnant about white girls and white guys well some are hot most are not and well yeah that's the way that goes. Don't get me wrong I'll fuck them . . . but still relationship friendship wise I think I have four or five white friends.

 

Matters Of The Heart

05/05/06 02:17 PM

Matter's Of The Heart


I keep making mistakes. Doing things that I don't intend to do saying things that I don't intend to say. I'm scared. I'm vulnerable and all I can ask is that you bear with it fore a minute. I've been surviving for so long alone. Letting others take control and abuse that control. I've been used hurt and wasted. Thrown to the dogs a heap of mutilated flesh . . . and then came you.

You peaked my curiosity. Your aroused my sense. You brought to life a part of me that I believed to be gone. And yes it scares me. We talk and we talk and go in circles missing the one thing that is so obvious . . . we like each other.

I am scared. You are scared. I believe in my heart that we can do this. I believe that we are perfect for each other. Yin and Yang. Eva and Juan. Sarah and, well whoever Sarah is sleeping with these days.

You have a world of love to offer me and I want to accept it. I know that I have pushed you a little too far. A little to fast. A little too hard. I have the same things to offer you. My heart. My mind. My silly jokes. My witty banter. My useless trivia. My failings. My successes. I can't imagine anyone else being where you are.

Your Highness, my babe . . . when it comes to matters of the heart I come up short. My intelligence is nothing when it comes to trying to figure out the right way and the wrong way to fall in love. Let's face it I've managed to do EVERYTHING wrong and now you want to go. I understand that. Like I said . . . My insignificance I have earned. I'm sorry I don't know the rules of matters of the heart. No one taught me. no one showed me how to play. I am not perfect. I don't want to be. You are not perfect and I don't want you to be that either. every moment I am awake is spent thinking about you. All day yesterday was spent not enjoying what I was doing . . .but thinking about you and how happy I was going to be when finally we were alone for the first time you and I . . .your smile swept me away your eyes showed so much warmth. . . I know I don't say the right things. I know I don't do the right things . . .I know that compared to you . . I pale in comparison (did I spell that right?) In the short time that you have been a part of my world I have never experienced the feelings that I feel right now . . . love, joy, hurt, longing, desire . . want . . but most of all happiness. happiness because you chose me . . . happiness because you bring out the facets of me that I have been so afraid to show others . . . yes we all have luggage . . . yeah we've got our baggage . . . others have damaged what once upon a time used to be an innocent heart. I won't call myself jaded, because I don't think I am. My sarcasm, for the most part is just for laughs . . .but my words, that hurt, those are fear, when I say something mean, I am really trying to say R, i like you. I like this. Don't let go it'll make me nervous. You came to me at a time when I was beginning to believe that most people were just users out to get something from not only me, but from each other. I know now, that not everyone is that way. For all my hurtful words I'm sorry. I know that they cannot be overlooked. For all the hurt I may be causing you. I'm sorry. I know that it too cannot go unnoticed.

If these words don't make sense, please forgive me . . . when it comes to matters of the heart, I fail.

SPACE FOR SALE!!!

No just kidding. I deleted a post here and forgot to put anything else in it;s place . . . Stupid me . . almost like I'm that one guy . . what's his name???

The Further Adventures of Sean and Nathan- OR, THE NEVER ENDING BATTLE OF BULLSHIT!!!

I'm guessing this is a mean spirited conversation but the truth is the truth Nathan isn't the brightest bulb on the tree . . and anymore he is somewhat scary as a person . . period. There really isn't much about him that's redeeming in my eyes and therefore I have nothing nice to say to him. For one reason or another though he won't get the clue and just go away.
The relationship between us isn't going to get fixed. And like I tried telling him the more time that elapses between us, the less likely it is that I am even going to want to know him anymore.

Don't get me wrong I LOVE NATHAN LIU, what I don't love is his ignorance and stupidity . . . and before you BITCH ME OUT, dear reader, by ignorance and stupidity, I mean his ignorance and stupidity towards me, he thinks that I am the dumb one and that, that is just not funny . . . because well all though I wouldn't call myself a genius . . . especially in light of the LIU catastrophe (let's face it, I botched that job . . . had I been a stronger willed person and not prone to ACTUALLY LOVING AN IDIOT) this wouldn't be as messy as it is now . . . but yeah so here's the gist of my conversation with Nathan . . . Shhhhhhh he's napping now . . . . bwhahahahahhahaha

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Nathan Liu &lt;
Date: Apr 3, 2007 8:49 AM
Subject: Chat with Nathan Wei-Jim Liu
To: smelton415@gmail.com


8:39 AM me: are you going to tell me what's going on or what?
8:40 AM Say something Nathan
Nathan: printing off stuff
8:41 AM me: yes yes that's all well and good it
8:42 AM Nathan: hm?
so u got beef w/ Jake's?
me: nope
that doesn't concern you anyhow
what's going on with your test results Nathan
8:43 AM Nathan: NEGATIVE!!!!!!!
FOR EVERYTHING!
I'm so relieved
Greta came w/ me yesterday i was so nervous
me: Nathan you're an idiot
8:44 AM oops idiot
Nathan: how come
me: now
what Nathan did you REALLY think I would give you something?
8:45 AM and consider this . . this whole time I told you I was negative right
as SOON AS I GOT BACK
i went and got tested when i found out that you DID more with that guy in New york than you let on
so FUCK YOU
bwahahahahahhahaah
Nathan: hm?
me: oh and yeah i got my money
Nathan: oh
OK
8:46 AM me: if you want any of it you still need to provide me proof and there is nothing more to say about it
NOTHING NATHAN
Nathan: provide u proof of what
me: there is nothing
you have to provide proof and you know that's ONLY fair
so don't even bitch about it
Nathan: proof of what? my test results?
OK
i have the printout
me: no asshole
8:47 AM the credit card NOT being cancelled and your poor dejected daddy having to pay the bill
Nathan: OK
will do
give me a mailing address and i can xerox a copy of this month's bill to you
8:48 AM me: email it
Nathan: i don't have a scanner
me: by the way Nathan when are you gonna tell me the truth about how many people you've ACTUALLY had sex with?
find one
god you are such an invalid
Nathan: I'll tell u how many people when u give me a mailing address
8:49 AM me: you have my mailing address dip wad oh guess what
Nathan: no i don't
me: oi heard from Greyhound
Nathan: yeah how funny given u said they would contact me
but whatever
me: seems that they have been trying to call but apparently we gave them your phone number with my area code
8:50 AM which was strange but I guess it could happen
well aren't you being a snippish little bitch today
how very like you
hahahahhaha
Nathan: just following ur lead
8:51 AM me: oh Nathan you truly are one of my FAVORITE abominations of nature
Nathan: ditto
anyways
gonna go take a nap
me: it never ceases to amaze me that GOD in all his MANY MANY miraculous feats could EVER EVER let an ECTOPIC PREGNANCY LIKE you survive!
8:52 AM yes yes go NAP you need to rest . . in your old age god forbid you should lose more hair
then you'd really look a fright
bwahahahahahahahhahahahahhaa

Why To Avoid Jake's

UPDATE::: April 03, 2007, Since sending this email and then posting it to the blog I was accused by May Kacica of ACTUALLY calling her an Asian Bitch (sorry May, I reserve that for my EX) anyhow, according to what I hear (don't go running to Tanjia, May!) May claims that she NEVER said that she didn't want me to go to Jake's. This is funny because YES YOU DID YOU BONE HEADED BITCH!!! But whatever. As soon as she saw the email she immediately called Tanjia and blamed her for the fact that She (May) and Brian got their asses reemed by someone who doesn't give a fuck. Apparently Mariela asked Tanjia why I do stuff like this and Tanjia gave her an even better answer than I could come up with, "Sean Likes To Make His Point." Kudos to you Tanjia Kudos To You!

What saddens me even more about all of this is that I am actually gonna miss my friends at Jake's, because they are all really great people, but what can I do? I have NOTHING to apologize for. If they don't want to hear their customers complaign about the ONE staff member who's NOT LIKED by anyone, then they shouldn;t have hired her in the first place . . . May, however, likes her (Rachel) because Rachel "CLEANS". What the hell does that mean???
Anyhow there are SOOOOO many other things that I could've gone into detail in the email to May and Brian about, but honestly I must agree with May on at least one fact . . . The email I wrote her was RETARDEDLY long. My Apologies May!

UPDATED::: April 02, 2007,

For Those of you who may be interested in what the Long Beach Health Department violated Jake's Wings for here's the complete list of POSSIBLE violations and the one's marked with an "X" are Jake's ACTUAL violations (but believe me when I tell you, there are a hell of a lot more than this . . . i think the inspector just got tired of writing or developed writers cramp or something.

This was Long Beach Health Department Certificate Number:: 33921
FOOD HANDLING
X FOOD TEMPERATURE
FOOD STORAGE
FOOD SOURCE AND LABELING
WATER SUPPLY AND TEMPERATURE
X UTENSIL WASHING AND SANITIZING
X EMPLOYEE PRACTICES
X EQUIPMENT SANITATION
EQUIPMENT MAINTENANCE
X FACILITY SANITATION
FACILITY MAINTENANCE
RESTROOMS
X PEST CONTROL*
WASTE MANAGEMENT

* what's humorous to me is the fact that the only real pest in Jake's is Brian and his wife. I guess I should be more respextful, it is their business, but still . . . a little respect for who puts FOOD on YOUR OWN KIDS TABLE might just be in order, sorry Brian, Sorry May. I know that what I write means little or nothing to you, but the fact is it's written.

It's sad that I am having to write an email like this to you again, not because of customer service or rude employees but because of crappy owners with wretched business practices. What kind of business owner/operator decides they're going to tell a customer who has visited their business since day one, on a regular LOYAL basis, that they can't come into the store? What kind of business owner calls their customers Derogatory names behind their backs, ( i.e. -MIDNIGHT OIL from Brian and That Bald Guy From May) I don't even know who the hell you people are and I am beginning to realize now that I am glad that I don't. Jake's is bleeding money out it's ass and you want to play high and mighty dictator's with one of the few people who brings some amount of business to your shop? Come on now you do the math I normally buy a 10 piece boneless, fries and a soft drink and if I am not mistaken, that comes to $16.18 does it not? I visit the store at least twice if not more a week and you two boneheads want to tell me I can't be there? For what reason because I criticized your choice in hiring Rachel (who remains a poor investment choice), or is it because I am friends with Tanjia? Hmmmm, I wonder why I'm friends with her could it have something to do with the fact that she WORKS AT THE PLACE I ENJOY EATING AT? I am friends with nearly everyone who works at Jake's, other than that Rachel person.

It's sad that you two are so hell bent on micro managing the joint, because it could really have been something great, but honestly coming from one BUSINESS OWNER to another, you two are FUCKING it up . . but far be it from me to put my two cents in.

I just wanted to let you know that yeah you've lost a customer, but unlike your employees you can't FIRE me because you don't like me. It doesn't work that way. See if you had bothered t get to know who I was then you would have learned a few things, the business I own is PARIAH, a public relations/promotions business, Not to mention the fact that I ALSO happen to be partner in a coffee house on Broadway . . .so I know of which I speak, but then again you two aren't from Long Beach so you probably know nothing of the dynamics of this neighborhood or city. Did I mention that I am also an AVID blogger, and I have a readership base of about 30,000 people 9,000 of those people reside in the immediate downtown area and another 7, 000 of those readers check my blog at least once a week for things to do and places to eat on the weekend . . . I have given Jake's more FREE advertising by mentioning repeatedly my enjoyment of the food and the staff, but all of that's about to change. Because this email, the email i sent previously regarding Rachel, a copy of the Long Beach Health Department inspection Certificate No.39921, and my own observations about why Jake's should be avoided like the plague (an example, I've seen Brian and Jack, both drunk mind you drop a chicken breast on the floor and pick it up again and put it on someones plate)are going on my blog(s), Myspace, Downelink, Bebo, Hi-5, Xanga, Live Journal, Wordpress and anything place else where I know my friends and other people are going to see what kind of disrespectful unappreciative people you Brian and you May are, what do you think honestly that people are just going to go into a place because you put a flier on the door??? get real I don't know what you were taught at the Sally Struther's Home Business correspondence school taught you, but the NUMBER ONE RULE, THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS right and the number TWO RULE: For every 1 customer you lose to poor service, bad business practices, etc that equals up to 10 people for each of those ten it's ten more . . .
Don't worry though I have no intention of ever going back to Jake's again, I saw a cockroach on the soda machine yesterday!

Much like my last email, I doubt I'll hear back from you, but let me close this email by saying this . . you have an AMAZING STAFF of employees working for you, you micro manage WAY to much to even see that fact, don't waste their talent because they are all awesome people and you know what if you do lose them ,some other establishment will be much better off for your arrogance ignorance and stupidity.

Sean Melton
C.E.O. Pariah Public Relations and Event Management& Promotions

P.S. - what was with the name calling by the way? I never disrespected you folks I mean I am sure I could have called May and Asian Bitch and Brian a Drunk Asshole, but what would that have gotten me? Nothing

Giving Up The Ghost (For N)

Yeah, you keep on dreaming. One day maybe I'll give up the ghost. One Day I'll tell you my secrets. One day I might tell reveal my Mysteries. One day I might just show you who I really am. You know, the me you never knew though you think you did? One day - or not.

First you need to earn you place in the hierarchy of my life. You need to show me who you are. tell me your secrets. reveal for me your truths. You know I'm not a trusting person. Sad, you'd almost earned your place at my table, but you failed. You gave up and gave in to the very whims that captivated so many before you. You failed. Now the vault is sealed again. Closed. The walls of the maze have shifted, changing their positions to block the light. The ghosts are back in the attic where they belong. Hanging on the walls, like so many pictures of yesterdays past. My skeletons have resumed their places in my closets. Safe. Everything safe. Spirited away, out of sight. Out of your reach. Hidden from you.

No, I don't think I'm giving up the ghost today.