Far Away

Monday, May 28, 2007

"FAR AWAY" Current mood: sad This song is for you.  You know who you are.  "Far Away" This time, This place Misused, Mistakes Too long, Too late Who was I to make you wait Just one chance Just one breath Just in case there's just one left 'Cause you know, you know, you know [CHORUS] That I love you I have loved you all along And I miss you Been far away for far too long I keep dreaming you'll be with me and you'll never go Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore On my knees, I'll ask Last chance for one last dance 'Cause with you, I'd withstand All of hell to hold your hand I'd give it all I'd give for us Give anything but I won't give up 'Cause you know, you know, you know [CHORUS] So far away Been far away for far too long So far away Been far away for far too long But you know, you know, you know I wanted I wanted you to stay 'Cause I needed I need to hear you say That I love you I have loved you all along And I forgive you For being away for far too long So keep breathing 'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore Believe it Hold on to me and, never let me go Keep breathing 'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore Believe it Hold on to me and, never let me go Keep breathing Hold on to me and, never let me go Keep breathing Hold on to me and, never let me go

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Socio-Economic something or others

A Guide to Socio-economic Models
Current mood: annoyed
Category: News and Politics

.....as provided by British GQ magazine



SOCIALISM - You have two cows, and you give one to your neighbor

COMMUNISM - You have two cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM - You have two cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM - You have two cows. The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM - You have two cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, then throws the milk away.

SURREALISM - You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION - You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

THE ARTHUR ANDERSON MODEL - You have two cows. You shred them.

A FRENCH CORPORATION - You have two cows. You go on strike, riot, and block the roads because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION - You have two cows. You redesign them so they are ten times smaller and produce twenty times more milk.

A GERMAN CORPORATION - You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION - You have two cows but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch.

A SWISS CORPORATION - You have 5,000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION - You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim to have high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION - You have two cows. You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION - You have two cows. Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION - Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have no cows but they still invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least you are part of a democracy.

A WELSH CORPORATION - You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION - You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office for the day and go for a few beers to celebrate.

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Just One Loaf . . .

So I am thinking about Pride for one reason or another. I'm thinking about what those two days have become and why on EARTH I am remembering this one comment that sticks in my mind like a piece of gum to the bottom of your shoe on a hot summer day. Out of all the amazing things that were said to the SLDN Members (Service Members Legal Defense Network) that day, you know things like, "Thanks for being here today." and "Thanks for doing the work that you do" One comment sticks in my head from this tired fat old queen who walked by. He said, "I want just ONE loaf of bread at a time." I thought to myself, "What the HELL does that mean???" then it occurred to me.

The man was deluded into thinking that by obtaining GAY MARRIAGE EQUALITY the world would be a better place. but in reality I think if he went the other way around chose the battles that probably were less difficult to fight then maybe the ultimate goal of GAY MARRIAGE would be easier to obtain. I mean pick your battles carefully right???

I'm not all for the whole Gay Marriage thing. I know I should be, but I'm not and there are a few reasons why. The primary reason though is the fact that for about the same amount of money that you'd spend on a committment ceremony or something of that ilk, you could go to an attorney and basically have him draw up a contract/agreement/accord/ or something of that nature that is legally binding and would gurantee and ensure you the rights of a married couple . . or something close to that anyhow . .

Grandma . . . You ok? you don't look so well!!!

So I went to the funeral with my mom. It wasn't so bad. It makes the Third time in my life where my mother her friend Karen and I have been on a road trip together that ended up in hilarious events of unpredictable excitement!!!

 

The funeral was a sad state of affairs .  . there was no one there (I don't mean that literally) but yeah there were probably five six people most . .  one of them was the mail woman . . . a lot of her neighbors who felt obliged to go because they wanted to send off the woman who terrorized them and their neighborhood for sixty years.

 

She didn't look like her she look as evil dead as she looked a live.

 

My mother and I went up to the casket together. My mother started crying .  . so I said, yeah you should change your ways now. You don't want to end up like her .  . she started laughing and then hit me . . it was funny . . actually the whole thing was funny . ..

 

The sad part of it all was the fact that it was obvious there was no one there that loved her. But everyone EVERYONE, including the guy giving her sermon, was struggling to find words that were , if not kind, at least "hopeful" of my grandmother . . . I laughed throughout the whole damn affair.

 

ugh Nathan my family is wretched.

 

I sort of feel bad for my mother though. I mean it is just her and Savanna taking care of my father right now . . Kristin and Kim and Amanda have started their wacky antics again . .  . I'm honestly not sure what to do with them, but before I left last night my fad asked me if I would just ignore them for the sake of mom. I told him I had every intention of it and that I would be there . . but NOT for mom for him. He said that was all he could ask.  So yeah

 

Did I mention that I got my mother her friend and I lost on the way back to my parents house??? oh it was  a blast . .I took us like 100 miles out of the way bwahahahahahaahahh oh so much fun. Good Times.

 

Oh inheritance? NADA

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Grandma?!?

Apparently my grandmother has decided to up and die. I guess I should be sad (Sean says quizzically) but unfortunately I'm not. My Mothers mother, was not really a "Grandma" per se. As a matter of fact she wasn't really even a mother, which is, I am assuming, were my mom learned her skills . .  In all honesty though my mother was a better mom than hers was, but I digress . . .

 

So yeah Willa-Martha (yep that's her name) passed away this past Sunday. Let's see, what was I doping? Oh I was at The Long Beach Pride Festival (So much fun!) How sad, grandma passed away during pride, she should have gone it would've been more fun than sitting at home croaking. I know I sound heartless, maybe I am, but honestly, it's not like she was ever anything to me.

 

So last night I get this email from my sister Savanna telling me to call home . .  whenever I get a message from one of my siblings that's expressed in that format I know it can't be for any other reason than Joy Love and Excitement. So I replied to the email . .  what happened . . . usually what happens is something that involves me being in trouble or getting into trouble or something of that ilk . .  meanwhile about five minutes later I get a message from my sister Kristin (yay Kristin's having a baby!!!) telling me that my mothers mother has gone to meet her maker ( you know I bet he is relieved, because that woman must've been a thousand if she was a day, no really you think I'm kidding I'm not that woman had to have literally been like 120 or something like that. I bet he was tired of waiting around for her) Anyhow Kristin let me know what was up I was relieved, I thought it might've had something to do with my father, thankfully it didn't anyhow yeah. So Kristin told me what was up. I asked if the mother was alright and Kristin said, no not really she's freaking out, but I don't know why it's not like she liked her mother anyhow . . . 

 

Oh in my family, when it rains it pours.

 

Anyhow, I am guessing the funeral is tomorrow (Friday) but I doubt I am going to be attending this celebration of nothingness. Why? I don't have a thing to wear . . literally.

 

Meanwhile, I suppose I should get around to calling over to the house and pretending like I am shocked saddened and surprised by this "sudden" turn of events. It's not like I haven't known for a month now that the old lady was about to kick ricks and apparently Kristin has known since December that the old bag was ill. (apparently she had had a stroke and was dying of Cancer) (Side note: it's funny how CANCER has become the hot disease of the week in my family . . .  I always viewed the Bailey's and the Melton's as a sort of "Cancer" on society) Eh meanwhile, I need some coffee . . . .

 

P.S. - I wonder what this does to my "inheritance" oh I was sooo hoping for those millions . .  . bwahahahahahaha

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I'm Leaving

Beyonce - I'm Leaving Lyrics

  Is it, I loose my cool, every once in a blue moon
  Leave a girl stranded in a hotel room
  Cuz ain't nothin' worse then flirtin' and teasin'
  Trynna lift the skirt (I'm a virgin) I'm leavin'
  You a virgin? You know you do this often
  You're thing is so deep you can drown a school of dogs in
  It's like every M.C., she done did it
  Redman tapped, Lil' Weezy done hit it
  Even them Boys from the Beastie done did it
  Lil' Cease and R&B singers split it
  Rumor has it from word of mouth
  That ya thing's more dirtier than the dirty south
  And I keep model chicks screamin' out, he a dog
  Bust his ears hard, now she look like Nia Long
  So, cute girls come jump in my ride
  And all you buffalo gals go round the outside
  
  I'm leavin, I think I'll take a plane
  It's still the same, and nothing's ever changed
  Sorry, beggin' you, I'll blow the range
  Since we be owed to you, was actin' strange
  I, never thought that I
  Could ever be wit such a guy who'd only cheat and lie
  
  She fell in love wit a star, the life, the car
  The "HUH, HUH, HAH!!"
  Open like what wit a butt like Kim
  When I seen it, it made me wanna nut right then
  Yo, we got fly, we talked, she stopped bye
  Lit the choc' lye, and passed it clockwise
  Let me knock the boots, til I was cock-eyed
  And now she trynna act like she ain't got time
  I told her, think of this before you try to be foul
  There's ladies at the bar that could be buyin' me rounds
  And all type models that be eyein' me down
  I stay and you say good-bye to me now?
  Fuck that, diss me, that's what's up here
  You better get ya fat ass back up stairs
  And if you try to creep, I'mma tie you in the basement
  Catch ya little boyfriend and beat his little face in
  
  I'm leavin, I think I'll take a plane
  It's still the same, and nothing's ever changed
  Sorry, beggin' you, I'll blow the range
  Since we be owed to you, was actin' strange
  I, never thought that I
  Could ever be wit such a guy who'd only cheat and lie
  
  Now all my sisters in the place
  No matter what the race, we share a common cause
  Everything be everything, get treated like a queen
  Til we give up the drawers
  Now just when I thought, everything was cool
  Let a brother even have a key
  I said I let him use the car, then he took it too far
  Brother out there cheatin' on me
  Time to face the truth, when I really didn't want to
  How the hell all these hoes keep gettin' my number?
  Who was it? A distant cousin, came to see you
  In prison, they said you already had a visit
  Beefin' wit these strangers, how do you explain this?
  Came this close to lettin' you put it in my anus
  Wakin' up, middle of the night, brother out
  Time to get the steppin', back to ya mother house, boy
  I'm leavin'
  
  I'm leavin, I think I'll take a plane
  It's still the same, and nothing's ever changed
  Sorry, beggin' you, I'll blow the range
  Since we be owed to you, was actin' strange
  I, never thought that I
  Could ever be wit such a guy who'd only cheat and lie
  
  I'm leavin, I think I'll take a plane
  It's still the same, and nothing's ever changed
  Sorry, beggin' you, I'll blow the range
  Since we be owed to you, was actin' strange
  I, never thought that I
  Could ever be wit such a guy who'd only cheat and lie
  
  I'm leavin', I'm gone, I'm leavin
  Baby I'm leavin', I'm gone, I'm leavin
  
  I'm leavin', I'm gone, I'm leavin
  Baby I'm leavin', I'm gone, I'm leavin
  
  I'm leavin', I'm gone, I'm leavin
  Baby I'm leavin', I'm gone, I'm leavin
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Pictures from Long BEach Pride

My Rock

My rock faultered today . . . it broke me a little more

What I believed to be my strong spot, the one thing that I thought I could turn to for moral support and confidence, after all that we'd been through together, ended up proving that I was once again wrong . . . Thanks
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Funny Isn't it?

how people drift apart even though thay live blocks form each other?

how "friends" never really are "friends: even when you need them most?

how easy it is to cast people off just because . . .no other reason than that?

 

how somethings can seem so amazing in the begining, but in the end . .  not so much?

 

 

Funny

Isn't it?

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Nathan Liu, Long Beach Pride and Reflections

Nathan's not getting the attention he feels he deserves so he is taking it out on me by starting up his little let's fight crap. I am so over this shit . .but in other news . . .

I am a little worried about Armand .  . not that i should be, but I am because well I had this dream last night it was a strange dream, and in the dream he was holding me and I could feel him and he kissed me and I could taste him and I started to ask himwhat he wantedx and why he was there and in the dream he just told me I wasn't allowed to ask or he would have to go . . . the dream scared me, because people don't come to me in dreams like that unless something bad has happened. and there is no way for me to know if something happened to him or not.

 

Ugh I thought I could hate him forever, not true . . .

 

Long BEach Pride 2007 . . .

 

So much fun . .  I didn't get to do much though but I met and worked with some amazingly fun and funny people Stephen Sohn and his sister Julie (who is an ex Marine, well reservist now) and Jill Raney and Aaron Tax from SLDN . . .  This was probablty that best pride I've ever been to, not only because I worked with some great folks, but also because I was doing something worth while. The Service Members LEgal Defense Network is such an amazingly worthy cause. I mean for me alone there are so many people that I know that I have loved and been involved with that are in the military, but there is nothing they can do they have no abiliity to live their lives openly. I am doing this for them . . . so yeah that feels good.

 

Ugh I think I am getting a cold though . .  the weather in long beach has been rrrrreal shitty lately . . and i am sooo over it. time for a change bring on some heat is what i say.

 

there was something else I was going to write but I forgot . . . hmmmmm yeah oh welll I'll be posting some pics from Long Beach Pride shortly in the next few days. I just need to recuperate. for a minute. anyhow hope all is well . . talk to you laters!!!!!!!

 

 

Through the mirror of my mind
Time after time
I see reflections of you and me

Reflections of
The way life used to be
Reflections of
The love you took from me

Oh, I'm all alone now
No love to shield me
Trapped in a world
That's a distorted reality

Hapiness you took from me
And left me alone
With only memories

Through the mirror of my mind
Through these tears that I'm crying
Reflects a hurt I can't control
'Cause although you're gone
I keep holding on
To the happy times
Oh, when you were mine

As I peer through the window
Of lost time
Looking over my yesterdays
And all the love I gave all in vain
(All the love) All the love
That I've waisted
(All the tears) All the tears
That I've taisted
All in vain

Through the hollow of my tears
I see a dream that's lost
From the hurt
That you have caused

Everywhere I turn
Seems like everything I see
Reflects the love that used to be

In you I put
All my faith and trust
Right before my eyes
My world has turned to dust

After all the nights
I sat alone and wept
Just a handful of promisses
Are all that's left of loving you

Reflections of
The way life used to be
Reflections of
The love you took from me

In you I put
All my faith and trust
Right before my eyes
My world has turned to dust...

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I Cried

I never knew how much of a heart Niko really has until just this minute. Sometimes I am such an ass and yet here is someone that I viewed as a complete jerk . . and in fact he's just a sad little kid . . his best friend died . . and the proof is sooo heartbreaking. I'm sorry I never really believed you Niko . . .

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Random Vitriol and Poison . . .

So some random guy comes up to me at Long Beach Gay Pride and asks if I'll give him a kiss . . .

 

My reply, " oh sorry, I've got herpes."

 

He walked away

 

For the record, no i don't have HERPES so PLEASE don't start the rumors!
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Pulmonary Fibrosis

what does Pulmonary Fibrosis mean to Me?

 

Certain Death . . . don'rt ask




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Pet Peeve of The Day

1) Starbucks . . . want room for Cream??? Half Empty Cup

 

2) Newspapers . .  where's the actual news parts??? All I see are advertisements

 

3) Nathan . .  . picking fights because he thinks he can




 

Nathan's Tragedy

Here we go again . . . over and over . . like I want your 30 bucks please . . .anyhow i'm tired of this go around with you i have way to much to worry about without having to put up with you too

So You Wanna Be With The IN Corwd???

httAlright so here are a few of the "Trade Secrets" to becoming part of the "IN" crowd. You know hangin' out with celebrities at the hot clubs, getting into the movie premiers and even getting in the mix at awards shows. It's not as hard as some people might want to believe it is . . or maybe it is really hard . .depending on ya know what you do with this information it's up to ya'll . . . anyhow . . here's some info for ya . . .

Movie Premiers and Screenings
http://www.seeing-stars.com
http://www.campuscircle.net/filscreenings

Club Listings and Promoters
http://www.clubplanet.com
http://www.la.com

Television Tapings/Awards Shows/Sitcoms
http://www.audiencesunlimited.com
http://www.ocatv.com

Alright kiddies, there you go the information to help you on your path to becoming part of the "IN"crowsd . .good luck and uhhhh yeah I wouldn't wear THAT if I were you . .bwahahahahaha

Disneyland's Newest Attraction

Why???


The fleet is almost ready to embark at Disneyland Park.Dive Into Disneyland's Newest AttractionBehind a wall of secrecy at Disneyland Park, tantalizing sounds have emerged for months now to tease Disney fans. There's something big going on in the old lagoon where the Submarine Voyage once embarked for undersea adventure. Something amazing. Something ... wet. Avid fans will be nodding their heads right about now -- yes, we're talking about the Finding Nemo Submarine Voyage attraction, which has long been in the works. Now, with opening day only weeks away, we've coaxed our friends at Walt Disney Imagineering to give us a peek at what lies ahead under the waves. Kevin Rafferty told us exactly what we'll see -- plus how they created some of those amazing effects! Kevin explains that as we board the subs, "We're visiting this undersea exploration company -- the Nautical Exploration and Marine Observation institute. Put those letters together and it spells Nemo! Guests go along for the ride as this institute explores an underwater volcano." ...


... And a trip to Mount Wannahockaloogie is indeed in the cards -- but on the way Guests will encounter Marlin and Dory, ride the East Australian Current, meet a couple of sharks face to face, survive a mine explosion that plunges them to the depths of the sea, traverse a hazardous school of jellyfish, and even be ejected from the spout of a whale before they return safely to shore. It sounds like quite a thrill ride, but Kevin stresses that the Finding Nemo Submarine Voyage is not a rough or scary experience -- you'll feel the sub rock a bit when the mine detonates, but that's about as wild as things will get. The focus is on fun and exploring the wonder of Nemo's underwater world, and even the youngest Guests should feel right at home. "We were very careful that nobody would really be scared -- the characters are having a good time, and Nemo is being happy-go-lucky, and everything's OK," Kevin explains. He feels the attraction's greatest achievement is not thrills and chills, but "The integration between the characters you know and love from the film with the world we've created underwater. It's very magical," he continues. It wasn't easy to create a story Guests could experience onboard their submarines that would be true to Disney/Pixar's film "Finding Nemo," and also a rich storytelling experience in its own right. "I was a little bit worried about that," he confesses, "but it came together and it's really beautiful." Another challenge the Imagineers faced was making the experience compelling for Guests in every part of the slow-moving subs. "If you consider each of the submarines as a moving theater, Guests are traveling through each of the scenes," he explains. "We had a story we wanted to immerse them in, but the front of the submarine will be in and out of the scene before the tail end goes through it. So it was a challenge to create each scene so that every Guest on board has equal show value. Our solution is that if you are sitting in the front end of the sub and you enter a scene with Marlin and Dory looking for Nemo, by the time the tail end of the sub comes up you have received all kinds of cues about what's happening. When you're in the tail end, you'll see the scene differently than you would if you were sitting in the front. If you sit in a different part of the sub next time, you might see a little gag or a little moment that you didn't get to see before. You're going to get a little different show depending on where you sit in the sub." For that reason, he strongly recommends planning at least two voyages, to make sure you catch the show from every perspective. The Imagineers had a powerful new tool at their disposal to help them meet these challenges -- a computer program that let them create a virtual version of the attraction that they could "ride" on their computer screens. They were able to see exactly what the experience would look like from each seat on board the sub, from start to finish, before they'd built a thing in the real world. Tinkering was easy. Another innovation developed for this attraction is a much more concrete one. Kevin explains the dilemma the Imagineers faced: "We wanted beautiful, brilliant colors for our undersea world. The sun has an adverse effect on paint -- it tends to fade it through the water. Also, paint colors never seem brilliant enough underwater. So Imagineering developed a new technology, basically painting with glass. There were several tons of recycled glass applied to the undersea environment. The results maintain the colors we wanted to portray, and because it's colored glass it will never fade in the sun." The subs will be leaving dry dock June 11 -- and getting them this far has taken about three years. That might seem like a long time to throw your heart into one project, but Kevin claims "You get so involved in design and development that those three years just flew by. This is the only place in the world where you'll be able to see this attraction. There was a lot to learn, and the next thing you know, three years have gone by and it's almost opening day!" We can hardly wait.

Ending "Don't Ask, Don't Tell"

Ending "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" is important to me, because so many people in my life male and female are giving their lives (and giving UP their lives) to the United States Military and yet they are forced to live double lives that simply increases the amount of stress and pressure that they are already under. I see my friends and lovers serve this country, but for what? to be told, at the end of the day, that they need to pack their stuff their going home because of whom they choose to love? There is something deeply disconcerting about that. I believe it's time for the government to step up and stop acting like some "Old Boy, Puritanical" guard and recognize that there is absolytely nothing wrong with gays and lesbians serving in the military. So many other countries ajnowledge that. I don't see how the United States can be this great LEADING nation, yet on so many levels, especially regarding, "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" we are so amzingly Third World. End this hypocritical, if not homophobic policy now.

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My Brilliance is the TRUE mother of Invention

So I have a plan . . an idea . . . a goal

This plan of mine is amazing and incredilbe . .
This plan is gauranteed to make me famous . . even if for only 15 minutes . .okay 14 but who's counting?

Not only that I think that it might bring me a little bit of corporate SWAG and cash . . .

The whole thing is I believe that it is completely legit too . . bwahahahaha

Oh yeah

I wish I could write what it it is . . this marvelous idea of mine, but I can't not yet not until I'm sore . . so yeah
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Quote of the Day . . . Bitterness

"hold tight to your bitterness for intime it's going to be all you've got left to lean on . . ." - Jimmy Walls, Long Beach CA

brilliance is the TRUE Mother of Invention

At 3:00 this morning I woke up having had the most amazing dream that revealed to me the most inspirational revelation I've had in forever. The idea will remain nameless (basically) until I figure out the feasability, but it involves me, Plunket, Nareth Chuon, Jason Nguyen (if I can get him to talk to me), Eriq Chang (hopefully) and Tien Minh Pham (if I can track him down in Sweden) and a few other folks who are creative, innovative and imaginative . . . Here's a hint at the concept though : "The Sellout, Selling Out"

I love my ideas sometimes . . . SOMETIMES!!!


Note to self: Style matters as much as substance . . . lest we forget!

Buttons and Bows

I want to wear suits and ties again. I want to wear designer clothes again. I want to be high fashion haute couture again. I want to have a reason to wear suits and ties and dress shoes again. So much better than dressing in shorts and t shirts and flip flops . . . sort of heh heh

The Arrogance of The Chinese Chicken and other fun theories

The True Arrogance, Or is that Ignorance behind Jimmy Chen and his Chinese Chicken

 

So Jimmy Chen has taken it upon himself to invoke sociological theory, particularly the theory known as, "the looking glass-self", basically what the theory claims is that we act how we think others want us to act, or how others perceive us. Unfortunately, for Jimmy Chen anyway, there are a million and one reasons why this theory doesn't apply to him. But the basic and most banal reason is the fact that Jimmy Chen truly is arrogant and conceited. He possesses traits of someone who is megalomaniac and somewhat vainglorious, without cause and on top of that Jimmy Chen has the personality of someone who could possibly be borderline sociopath, not necessarily in some murderous way or something like that, but he flip flops constantly. I guess what I am saying is that it appears that he tries entirely to hard to be the "popular one" or to fit in with the popular crowd.

 

Now to hear him explain it, he doesn't care what other people think of him, but I happen to know for a fact that YES he does care entirely TOO MUCH what people think about him, which is why he spends so much time pretending to be a self brooding scholarly intellect. Which is why he also sits around writing inconsequential soliloquies about how he is who he is and he doesn't need anyone to tell him otherwise for example in the following quote from Jimmy Chen's Xanga Blog he is justifying to himself his self-assuredness and his ability to "Not care what people think", read on,

 

 

"I act a certain way because I want to, because I desire to. I don't care what people think of me (if I did, I would have slit my wrists a long time ago). I would hope that people would react to me in a certain way, but there is no way of predicting the outcome.

When I go out, I am a completely different person. What I post on here and on my profiles are also different from who I really am. Why?

I don't know. Maybe it's because I'm a Gemini or maybe because I'm just a crazy individual who might be bipolar. Whatever it is, I think tonight I finally reached an epiphany. Not only am I responsible for how I react to others and how my actions are directed at others but I'm also partly responsible for how others react towards me"

 

Well dd'uuuuuhhhhhhhh you ignorant twit! Did it never occur to you how you are towards people? You come off as a pompous ass and that, that's NOT cute. Actually there is nothing cute about your personality. Now see I know you was payin' tribute to me with all that "crazy, bipolar" talk. I thank you, but please let's not ingratiate ourselves to the one person who turned his back because you couldn't let the full=face go even long enough to carry on a normal conversation. Meanwhile . . . moving on.

 

So I suppose I could have just left this alone, I doubt I even really explained anything here, but quite honestly what is there to explain . .  Jimmy Chen is a Caricature of himself, but not in a good way. It's sort of like folks who have a fear of clowns, that's EXACTLY what Jimmy Chen is, a scary clown and that's sad, because I honestly believe that in this world there are far more people who dislike him for his actions than like him for who he is.

 

I actually asked someone who is a friend of Jimmy Chen's, I forget who he is, why he would want to be friends with Jimmy Chen when Jimmy is the way that he is (whacked in the caboodle . . . wait, whacked with a Kaboodle) wait it comes to me, his name is Mytch. So I asked Mytch why he was friends with Jimmy Chen when Mytch is far better looking and obviously more low key than Jimmy Chen . . I don't think he really gave me an answer, but I get the distinct impression from his words that he doesn't really pay that much attention to Jimmy Chen . . .

 

For the record though, it's my belief that Jimmy is a l'il bit of a drama queen . . Ok a lot of a drama queen who is also a l'il bit (okay okay, a lot) self centered and a WHOOOOLLLEEE lot spoiled. Jimmy made it clear that when he doesn't get his way he tends to sulk like a two year old (there is your child attribute Jimmy) and throw something of a temper tantrum. If Jimmy's NOT the center of attention he throws a fit . . typical I mean someone who had so much potential to be a sexy hot man is nothing but a sniveling little girl . .  and that . . that is funny and hilarious . . . like Jimmy Chen called Jeffrey Star in a blog that he subsequently took off his Xanga because he realized that he should probably be afraid OF WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK, read that:: he was TERRIFIED he'd get his SCRAWNY ASS kicked by a bunch of WE-HO whores who could chew him up and spit him out. (Right Jimmy Chen?)

 

So basically what all this drivel amounts to is the simple fact that YES Jimmy CHEN cares entirely too much what other people think . . actually most folks who say, "I don't care what others think of me" are the ones who usually care the most. Someone who is self confident and self-assured doesn't need to BRAG about their  ability not to care. Case in point . . . it matters to me that you are slandering and defaming my character Jimmy Chen, but am I making a big deal out of it? You bet your aids infected ass I am. Why? because fighting fire with fire is fun and/or exciting . . . and fun and/or excitement is what makes the world go round. Welcome to Hollywood bitch . . . now why don't you pack up and head your lame ass back to Cupertino where it belongs . . .

 

Waxing Nostalgic

So many things have been on my mind lately, my father, my family, life, death . . . yadda yadda yadda that I really haven't put much thought or even much effort into what it is I'm writing or posting on my blog. I don't even really see the benefit of posting here much anymore. I don't know, but what gets my mind racing right now is something so mundane as the LA Weekly: People 2007 edition. It was thrilling to me to be able to grab that edition with Jeffrey Star on the Cover.

Here I am at Starbucks (my home away from home, away from home) with the half thumbed through edition sitting in front of me and what I thought was going to be a pleasant read has turned into an overwhelming sadness. Sitting here reading about all these people: Jeffrey Star, Medusa, DJ Kid Millionaire etc. I realize what kind of a missed opportunity my life has become. Once upon a time, I was supposed to someone. I was on the front line of the Hollywood Glitterati. I was in school, doing shows, popular in the club scene, could get into the best clubs and restaurants in Hollywood and San Francisco ; The Abbey, The Ivy, Beige, Avalon, Buddha Lounge. Look at me now. I'm no one. I miss those days of me and the krewe heading out to L.A. or The Castro for a night of unrivaled debauchery, endless hours of fun. Dancing, drinking having a good time; but look now . . . I'm just an ancient relic of a bygone era grasping at the lost stars of a fleeting life. I'm jealous. I'm sad. I miss what I used to be. I miss what I used to have. I miss WHO I used to be. What do I have now? Nothing. And the sad fact is, I keep losing more every day.

What do you have if you have nothing at all?

Rihanna - Umbrella Lyrics

Ahuh Ahuh (Yea Rihanna)
Ahuh Ahuh (Good girl gone bad)
Ahuh Ahuh (Take three... Action)
Ahuh Ahuh

No clouds in my storms
Let it rain, I hydroplane in the bank
Coming down with the Dow Jones
When the clouds come we gone, we Rocafella
She fly higher than weather
And G5's are better, You know me,
an anticipation, for precipitation. Stacked chips for the rainy day
Jay, Rain Man is back with little Ms. Sunshine
Rihanna where you at?

[Rihanna]
You have my heart
And we'll never be worlds apart
May be in magazines
But you'll still be my star
Baby cause in the dark
You can't see shiny cars
And that's when you need me there
With you I'll always share
Because

[Chorus]
When the sun shines, we'll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be a friend
Took an oath I'ma stick it out till the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we'll still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh eh eh eh)

These fancy things, will never come in between
You're part of my entity, here for Infinity
When the war has took it's part
When the world has dealt it's cards
If the hand is hard, together we'll mend your heart
[ these lyrics found on http://www.completealbumlyrics.com/lyric/131311/Rihanna+-+Umbrella.html ]
Because

[Chorus]
When the sun shines, we'll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be a friend
Took an oath I'ma stick it out till the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we'll still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh eh eh eh)

You can run into my arms
It's okay don't be alarmed
Come into me
There's no distance in between our love
So go on and let the rain pour
I'll be all you need and more
Because

[Chorus]
When the sun shines, we'll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be a friend
Took an oath I'ma stick it out till the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we'll still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh eh eh eh)

It's raining
Ooh baby it's raining
Baby come into me
Come into me
It's raining
Oh baby it's raining


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Rihanna - Umbrella Thanks Nathan

Ok Once again this was supposed to be a video . . . Rihanna's Umbrella . . it once again DIDN'T happen . . but eh whatever the song is great and I love it . . love it love it love it . . meanwhile


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How Not To Get A Job

Vice presidents and Personnel Directors of the one hundred largest corporations were asked to describe their most unusual experience interviewing prospective employees:

• A job applicant challenged the interviewer to an arm wrestle.
• Interviewee wore a Walkman, explaining that she could listen to the interviewer and the music at the same time.
• Candidate announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and french fries in the interviewer's office.
• Candidate explained that her long-term goal was to replace the interviewer.
• Candidate said he never finished high school because he was kidnapped and kept in a closet in Mexico.
• Balding candidate excused himself and returned to the office a few minutes later wearing a headpiece.
• Applicant said if he was hired he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm.
• Applicant interrupted interview to phone her therapist for advice on how to answer specific interview questions.
• Candidate brought large dog to interview.
• Applicant refused to sit down and insisted on being interviewed standing up.
• Candidate dozed off during interview.

The employers were also asked to list the "most unusual" questions that have been asked by job candidates:

• "What is it that you people do at this company?"
• "What is the company motto?"
• "Why aren't you in a more interesting business?"
• "What are the zodiac signs of all the board members?"
• "Why do you want references?"
• "Do I have to dress for the next interview?"
• "I know this is off the subject, but will you marry me?"
• "Will the company move my rock collection from California to Maryland?"
• "Will the company pay to relocate my horse?"
• "Does your health insurance cover pets?"
• "Would it be a problem if I'm angry most of the time?"
• "Does your company have a policy regarding concealed weapons?"
• "Do you think the company would be willing to lower my pay?"
• "Why am I here?"

Also included are a number of unusual statements made by candidates during the interview process:

• "I have no difficulty in starting or holding my bowel movement."
• "At times I have the strong urge to do something harmful or shocking."
• "I feel uneasy indoors."
• "Sometimes I feel like smashing things."
• "Women should not be allowed to drink in cocktail bars."
• "I think that Lincoln was greater than Washington."
• "I get excited very easily."
• "Once a week, I usually feel hot all over."
• "I am fascinated by fire."
• "I like tall women."
• "Whenever a man is with a woman, he is usually thinking about sex."
• "People are always watching me."
• "If I get too much change in a store, I always give it back."
• "Almost everyone is guilty of bad sexual conduct."
• "I must admit that I am a pretty fair talker."
• "I never get hungry."
• "I know who is responsible for most of my troubles."
• "If the pay was right, I'd travel with the carnival."
• "I would have been more successful if nobody would have snitched on me."
• "My legs are really hairy."
• "I think I'm going to throw up."

---

These quotes are taken from real résumés and cover letters and were printed in the July 21, 1997 issue of Fortune Magazine. (Note: all typographical errors, etc., are as intended.)

• "I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience."
• "I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet progroms."
• "Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year."
• "Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave."
• "Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial instutions."
• "Failed bar exam with relatively high grades."
• "It's best for employers that I not work with people."
• "Let's meet, so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my experience."
• "You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time."
• "Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details."
• "I was working for my mom until she decided to move."
• "Marital Status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments."
• "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."
• "I am loyal to my employer at all costs....Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail."
• "I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing."
• "My goal is be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokeridge."
• "I procrastinate, especally when the task is unpleasant."
• "Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far."
• "As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments."
• "Instrumental is ruining entire organization for a Midwest Chain store."
• "Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job."
• "Marital Status: often. Children: various."
• "Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employess get to work by 8:45 am every morning. I couldn't work under those conditions."
• "The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers."
• "Finished eighth in my class of ten."
• "References: none. I've left a path of descruction behind me."

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The Sad Truth

On The way here I was thinking things over from this morning the email from my sister Kim and then I was thinking over the emails from and to my sister Savanna. I started thinking about Nathan and then something truely sad occurred to me. My father the man who I am supposed to call my father is dying and I can't bring myself to care. I thought about why this would be and how I can change the outcome, my feelings about him that is and I can't. The reasons are the same reasons that I gave to my sisters, I have been on my own for 16 years just about. I have been takin gcare of myself I have not had any contact with them and they were never there for me, my family that is. I'm not feeling sorry for myself because I AM self made and I am proud of that, but my family is exactly what I've said they are, a bunch of people who would rather sit and cause controversy amongst themselves than be a unit. Nathan says he knows that I love them and to sopme extent I do, but I think it's more the MEMORIES of them than the physicalitry of them. Seeing them in person brings this overwhelming sense of dread like I would rather be anyplace else in the world than with them, why? because what ultimately happens . . fighting name calling yelling screaming and a mother who believes more in histrionics than anything else.

My dad's illness is sad, but on the same note I have had more people die in my life that I was closer to than him. I have watched, physically in person - I was there, two airplanes crash into the World Trade Center, I've been on the phone with a boyfriend, whom I truely loved, who decided that he was going to drive home beyond drunk, just to listen in as he was killed by ANOTHER drunk driver who ran him over in an SUV. I have lived on the street by myself with no help from my family and still yet I survived it all . . My mother, god bless her evil little heart, has said before that she , raised survivors" that is NOT a good thing . . . I shouldn't have had to survive I should have been allowed to live . . so when I became SELF MADE and tried to make a better life for myself I get criticized and chastized for not wanting to be part of their world anymore. I'm sorry, but this may be the sad truth but in this family, when you die, you die alone.


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Eating Crow Never Really Tastes Good

So I heard from my OLDER sister Kim today . . . which was not all that surprising to me since for one reason or another I was looking at her EMPTy Myspace page yesterday afternoon and was wondering where she was in this world . .  I love when I do stuff like that because it I know within a matter of hours I'll hear from or see whomever, but I digress . . I I heard from Kimberly in an email that essentially reads like this (actually I am quoting here)

 

" Hey Sean,
Well I think this is going to get to you. So I heard savanna let you know about dad today.m Unfortunately the news she told you is the truth and she is not a pathetic lying bitch. I am very sorry you reacted in that way to it, but you need to put all differences aside now. It's not about you or I or any of us kids. Not even mom right now. IT'S ABOUT DAD. So if you have it in you to unite right now and spend these last days together with him let me know. Or contact Kristin.


KIM "

 

(For the record I don't recall calling my sister a PATHETIC LYING BITCH . .  but don't quote me on that . .I'll have to do some research to find out . . .

 

So I researched whether or not I referred to or called Savanna a pathetic lying bitch . . . no i did not and the emails are available to ANYONE who doesn't believe me . . bwahahahaha ( I must admit though I said some pretty nasty shit and now I sort of feel bad for it)

 

which was immediately followed up by another email from Krisitn some 9 hours later which reads::

 

 

:

hey sean i just got your message but i also know that kim sent you a message regarding dad...well the truth is that dad is extremely sick. he has lymphoma throught his body. its not looking too good and he needs his kids. so for once this needs to be about dad and not us...i know kim said that to you already but i can not repeat it enough. lymphoma is some serious cancer and the prognosis is never good. anyway, call or come over to the house as soon as possible before its too late and you dont ever get a chance again. kristin   so now I am eating crow because of the harsh things that I wrote to Savanna out of shear and utter frustration . . . I have to face it my dad is sick and probably dying . . . but still there is nothing I can do . . . so why pretend? why pretend to be something we're not because someone is dying?

 

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Hot As Hell . . no really

It is Fucking HOT as hell outside and I live RIGHT on the ocean . . I mean there is this hot wind that's just blowing around and it's sort of gross . . .

 

but in other news  I am still hot as hell and it's not getting any cooler bwahahhaha i'm gonna go eat my In-N-Out now

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Something to make my boys heart palpitate

and who the HELL are you calling HYPOCRITE???

how am I a hypocrite for not wanting to put up with this bullshit from you crazy mutha fuckers anymore??? how does that make me a hypocrite? Because I want answers? I want the true story??? fuck your stealing and your whinny ass pathetic whatever Savanna . .Like I said I DO NOT know you . . nor do you know me and except for the unfortunate problem of you and I being related by blood I probably wouldn't even give your sorry ass a second look on the street .  . so yeah don't think for one minute that just because you are my "SISTER" that actually makes you my SISTER you people are pathetic and that makes me sick so yeah call me a hypocrite because I changed my life and I made it better while you all still playing  the same sorry ass games you've always played . . .

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Should I or Shouldn't I??? That is the question . .

well part of the question anyway.

 

So If I knew I could make a nice grip of cash by doing someting that was somewhat unsavory, yet still legal (NOT prostitution, filthy filthy minded readers) something that I know would affect someone that I don't necessarily care for . . . don't really respect . . .and quite honestly think is a know-it-all bitch . . . should I do it?

 

I mean if the repercussions were only that I would never have to talk to them again and yet I would get the satisfaction of know that more than likely they'd be going to jail for a while . . . plus make some money on top of it . . would it be such a bad thing for me to do????

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Gold and Black

I have in my hands two boxes, Which God gave me to hold.
He said, "Put all your sorrows in the black box,
And all your joys in the gold."
I heeded His words, and in the two boxes,
Both my joys and sorrows I stored,
But though the gold became heavier each day,
The black was as light as before.
With curiosity, I opened the black box,
I wanted to find out why,
And I saw, in the base of the box, a hole,
Which my sorrows had fallen out by.
I showed the hole to God, and mused,
"I wonder where my sorrows could be!"
He smiled a gentle smile and said, "My child, they're all here with me."
I asked God box, why He gave me the boxes,
Why the gold and the black box with the hole?
"My child, the gold box is for you to count your blessings, The black box is for you to let go."


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What Would you Do?

What Would You Do?
	If every person in your family was a liar . . . but everyone that they lied to was each other . . . about each other? What would you do? I've walked away from mine . . .and yet I am criticized because I openly admit to not wanting to be around it anymore. So I'm the ad guy for doing this? Bwahahaha then so be it . . . I like bein bad anyhow

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Savanna

I'm done sending and receiving anymore emails. I'm sorry Savanna, but I have nothing more to say and as far as I am concerned Ya'll can do whatever you want to do about dad. I don't have time to be sitting around here waiting for you or whoever in that house to issue their statements or whatever. I have rearranged my life ONCE again for this god forsaken family (remember I was living in Minnesota far far away from here?) and honestly MY life is fine without any of this. I have friends who miss me a boyfriend that I haven't seen in two months. I have lived on my own without this family for the better part of 16 years. I haven't bothered you folks. Nor have I wanted anything from you. I am not beholden to you or to the parents for anything. I have a great job. A bachelor's and a master's degree, that I got WITHOUT ANY help from this family.  I just got accepted into Law School. I have great friends that offer me the emotional support that I don't get from my own family and Yes, your mother is to blame. Your mother is the root of all that is wrong with this family. I am sorry I don't want to put her down or talk shit, but the truth is the truth. Plain and simple. Your mother plays her children against one another, and always has. Your mother has turned everyone in that house into one form of liar or another, including you. Seriously, what is wrong with amanda or kim knowing that something maybe (I'm not sure it could all be another lie) with their father? Why do ya'll need to have so many god damned secrets? I mean where is the truth in this family?  I don't want any part of it anymore. I applaud you for having the courage and the "balls" quite honestly to hang in there and deal with all of this, but like I wrote in my email to you yesterday, this has all been said before everything about someone being sick and don't say anything to anyone and yadda yadda yadda. It's all a joke now and I'm done laughing.

I have just one little question . . what are you doing with your life are you going to sit around and never have anything?

Sean

P.S. - This email WILL be posted on my blog . . .

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Done Done Done . . finished . . Done

Done Done Done . . finished . . Done

I'm through . . . I am over this whole thing . . . whatever happens now happens and that's that . . I'm done . . . I am tired of trying to MAKE AMENDS for mypast . . for the things that YOU and YOURS view as having been bad, or unfair, or unjust . . I'm done . . you want to play petty then play petty. I was here and you and yours did the SAME THING YOU ALWAYS DO . . start playin games . . . you don't need me and I don't need you so I am done . . . when the time comes . . I wish you the best, but I am out . . . Take Care, So Long . . .I'm gone

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