So Long, Farewell, Alfwerderzein(???) . . . Goodbye

Bwahahaha Sooooooo I am now a wealthier man all because of a bet . . . yup I bet back in April that Jake's Wing Company, at the Pike in Long Beachwould shut down and go out of business within 6 months . . . Sunday was their last day in business . . . I have not yet properly; good bye to the former owners . . both of whom have absolutely no brain between the two of them . . . you can find my original post in this blog someplace if you wanna know why I find Jake's Wing Company so distasteful . .  and why I find the owners repulsive and repugnant . .  I love alliteration . . . . oh man . .anyhow yeah I won the bet . . and if the owners of Jake's Wing Company read this . .  . I'd split my winnings with you, but he's a drunk asshole and she's a crazy Asian bitch . . .note: if you are Asian and writing to tell me that I am a racist and that you are offended by the fact  that i called someone a crazy Asian bitch .  .get over it . . you don't know why I'm calling her a crazy Asian bitch and frankly i like the way it sounds . . . crazy Asian bitch . . .

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<a href="http://phuzzehlogik.blogspot.com>Phuzzehlogik</a>

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

So I'm gettin' rid of the blogs . . . I am not really putting much effort into them anymore and I'm tired of being stalked by folks that bhave nothing to say other than bitch to me about what it is they like or don't like about me (NATHAN) . . . if you can't handle what I write .  . get the fuck out the way . . or better yet don't give me reason to want to write about you . .  the same goes for you buddy .. yeah you . . you know who you are . . .  get a fucking thicker skin . .  . I can't believe someone in your position soooo hyper-sensitive when it comes to the words people write . . you of all people should have a much more developed outer shell than what you do . . and don't think that just because you responded to me today that I dojn't still know that you are mad . .  and I finally figured out what exactly it was that made you mad . .  . it was a blog entry wasn't it? it was the fact that I brought our friendship into question wasn't it? well you know what . . get over it . . life is full of ups and downs . . . and a few woreds on a screen are gonna piss you off then I really hate to see what a few words in person would do to you . .probably send you over the edge and all postal or something out of Virginia Tech . .  . speaking of Virginia Tech I wonder how Jason Nguyen is . . .  he's alum, and just as fucking crazy as that kid who shot everyone up . .  .but I digress . . . .

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<a href="http://phuzzehlogik.blogspot.com>Phuzzehlogik</a>

The Testicle Festival

Can you believe that? there is in fact such thing as the testicle festival and it has been going on in Montana for 25 years . .  I was intrigued just because of tthe name I was thinking to myself well either it's a great big get together of gay men feelin each other up ooorrrrrr it was what it turned out to be . .  a bunch of people gettin together and eatin deep fried bull balls . .  and they created a festival to do this??? go figure

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<a href="http://phuzzehlogik.blogspot.com>Phuzzehlogik</a>

Should I do it??

So I have been contemplating something . . .

 

I have been working really hard to secure a deal that will gaurantee the Financial stability and abilities of SLDn (Service Members Legal Defense Network, a cause that I whole heartedly support and endorse)

 

Well my work has finally paid off in an endowment that is in the final stages of being ironed out between SLDN and the entity that has gauranteed the endowment . . .

 

Now I have a bigger situation . .  I think I am going back into the military . . .

 

Actually I am farily certain of it

 

I think I am chucking everything .  .lawschool and the disertation and going to make a committment to myself . . .I have been having issues lately with everything from school to friends to relationships and I think that this is something that I need to do . . .

 

Ugh Any Thoughts???

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<a href="http://phuzzehlogik.blogspot.com>Phuzzehlogik</a>

I wonder Do YOu KNow . . .

This is for NO ONE in particular and EVERYONE in general that I have ever effected and affected . . .

 

 

 

I wonder if you know how often I think of you,

How much I miss you and

that I really did care for you.

I wonder if you know what I've gone through what I go through and what I will endure

I wonder if you care about the past and what he had what we lost and what we won't get back

I wonder if you know that I would lovce you again in a heart beat and instant and a flash . .

I wonder if you know that the mistakes I made I made because I cared

I was human

I was wrong

I wonder if you know that I regret what I did

what I said how I acted

I wonder if you aske yourself if I remember you

I ask myself the same thing

Do You remember me?

I ask myself . .and i wonder . . . are you still there or are you gone

did you change

for the better for the worse

I wonder . . are you alright

Ok? are you happy? are you sad?

I wonder . . . . I wonder . . .

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<a href="http://phuzzehlogik.blogspot.com>Phuzzehlogik</a>

It's Funny

Ok so I caught J.S. in a blatantly stupid lie . .  I mean sooo stupid in fact (it's stupid because he lied about one thing and then posted pictures of himself doing the exact opposite) and then has the nerve to delete me from his friends list on myspace when I make the simple comment that he didn't really have to lie about something so inane as beingin Palo Alto or being in Long BEach . .  it didn't really matter it's not like I could've hung out with him for any thing more than coffee anyhow. It sucks for me because I've known him for years and I Was sort of begining ro get back into the groove of liking him again . .  go figure. Anyhpow, ueah he deleted me from his friends list, for what reason .  . I seriously believe embarasssment, but eh what does it matter the last month or so has been nothing but a bunch of embarassments and embarassing people anyhow . . . I mean hell I am actually STILL waiting for this one friend to answer a question he's suppossedly thinking about . . . it's been over a week now. I am guessing the answer is "NO" and that I would be better off not bothering him anymore . .eh it doesn't matter none of this makes any sense anymore and therefore I don't care.

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<a href="http://phuzzehlogik.blogspot.com>Phuzzehlogik</a>

Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows

So I accomplished reading all 759 pages in just under 24 hours. I am pleased with myself because well . . I am. The book was pretty good. J.K. Rowling is sooo imaginative. I wonder sometimes where she's able to come up with the things that she writes about. Most of the answers one could look for are ansdwered in this book. Everything from bnook one until now the story meshes together and everything is solved. I have no real complaint, except for the same complaint that almost everyone else has . . . Does it need to end? Does it have to end? Can't this wonderful saga go on and on? Better yet . .  J.K. Rowling, will you marry me? Ahem meanwhile, the story is good and the ending is better . . I loved it soooooo much that I have been spoiling it all over town . . . everyone I know I tell EXACTLY and in detail how the story ends ,. . . so I am gonna tell you too, dear reader, oh no no complaints EACH AND EVERY person NEEDS to know HOW Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows ends . . . it ends with a period.

 

And that's the GOD's Honest Truth . . . a period.

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<a href="http://phuzzehlogik.blogspot.com>Phuzzehlogik</a>

This Much I Know

After making attempts to "reconnect" with old friends from bygone days . . . and attempting to communicate with a couple of friends that are presently in my life, after questioning realtionships . . . maybe there isn't a whole lot of compatibility in my life maybe I am looking for something deeper in a friend than the standard, "hi, How ya doing?" type of friend.

 

I have been putting emphasis on help . . . not that I need it, but if I did I see now that there isn't really one of quality in my life that would be willing nor really even able to help . .  in any sense of the word.

 

I posed a question to two "friends" (they are not bad people mind you. They are great. Nice. Loads of fun. Yadda yadda yadda, but friends . .  yeesh) the question was pretty simple it involved no really thought beyond reading what was written and answering , YES or NO . . no further explanation for their reason necessary. The question was, " I am on the street homeless. I ask you for help, would you do it? The first response was funny . . . nothing  . . the second response actually infuriated me . . . because the response was so matter of blatantly cruel (without intending to be cruel, i think) it wasn't even funny, "Dude come out with it and let me think about it" . . . If any of you know me you know how much i DESPISE the word dude, seeing as that MOST people have NO CLUE what this word means, nor where it even came from, nor even how to use it properly (just cuz you're literate doesn't make you knowledgeable) but I digress, You know, I'm still waiting for an answer.

 

It's not secret that I have been questioning relationships lately. I have even gone so far as to end relationships with a few folks, and not on bad terms and when asked why I am ending the relationship I try to give an answer that is honest and heartfelt without being mean. I say something like, "Because you fucking suck at being a friend and I am the one who always has to initiate everything from talking to hanging out and you wouldn't get my back if YOUR life depended on it, you fucking idiot!!!" . . oh wait, no I was thinking that My answer is usually something like I am just in a weird strange space right now where I am not comfortable with the direction a lot of my friendships have gone. It's nothing to do with you, but I just don't see the compatibility between us anymore."

 

What's stranger to me yet, is the fact that I am OK with these decisions. I am OK not having these people in my life anymore. There's no great sorrow no huge loss. It's just a thing. I'm sure they are as well off without me as I am without them.

 

I am in search of something right now. ONE TRUE friend. One person who knows and understands the value of friendships and relationships. I know that may seem like a simple thing to write. Maybe some people find friendships and are just content with whatever the relationship is. I want to know who I am spending time with. I want to know who this person is that I call a friend. OK so it might be an antiquated romantic notion, but still a friendship a friend is something that should be there for life . . if not life then at least for the long haul. I am so fed up with people treating others like disposable garbage there is something so inherently wrong and hurtful about just tossing someone aside. I am guilty of it, I admit. Hell my own mother is the queen of tossing people aside, including her own children, and it is because of a recent experience with this woman that this need to know who my friends are has come about. I don't know who they are. I would like to think that I would be there if my friends needed me. I would like to know that they'd be there for me, but recent misadventures have proven that there is no one there. If there is anything that I've come to know from these recent experiences it's this :: if you don't have something to give, then there's no room for you. If you ask for more than you give, then there's no room for you. If you need help . . .let me think about.  It sucks, but that's the truth and ANYONE who disagrees with me, is probably lying.

 

And you know what? As for the DUDE who had to think about it . . . I'm still waiting for an answer. If I'd held my breath, I'd be dead.

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<a href=" http://phuzzehlogik.blogspot.com>Phuzzehlogik</a>

Why's He Famous . . .

So an acquaintance of mine asked the following question . .  Why is Lance Bass still famous?

 

The answer I gave was this:::  Because he's SCANDALOUS .  . and Scandal breeds interest and interest breeds hotness and hotness breeds fame/infamy . . infamy is sexy and sexy is hot . . . and that my friend is why he is still famous . . .

 

I think it's true . . .

 

In Other News . . . it's become evident that something is WRONG . . two People, Nathan and Stephen have indicated that maybe something is amiss . .  I have not denied that something quite possibly is WRONG . .however, there are certain details that are being left out of the story . .WHY? because I am not foolish enough to DISCLOSE everything that could possibly have a negative effect on my life. Since I came back to California to take care of my Father my life has been one constant roller coaster ride and actually I think I am getting sick to my stomach and want to get off now . . .

 

I am Prideful. I am easily hurt. My thick skin is only as thick enough to deflect those that I DON'T care for . . .

 

Yes I know I am becoming somewhat destructive . . .vengeful if you will . . . I don't know how to stop i, and if you have any suggestions then please offer them up . . but see unless you know the details for my destructive behaviour then there is no real point in suggesting anything . .  meanwhile

 

So I nearly got killed by a flying Fire Hydrant Today . .  how exciting is that???? I was at C&C doing some work and this car speeds around the corner and knocks a fire hydrant off, sending water spewing into the air and the fire hydrant right through the window less than four or five feet away from me . . . I didn't even bother to think about what had occurred I just got up went outside and smoked a cigarette . .bwahahahah how lame is that???

 

Anyhow . . .

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<a href="http://phuzzehlogik.blogspot.com>Phuzzehlogik</a>

Wrapping Up Nicely . . .

So I lied . . . it didn't wrap up so nicely. I think you know that.

 

But what else was there to say? We fail to see eye to eye and that's what's cool. Anyhow no worries though . . my Motto stay s the same. I'm fine. I'm always fine. I have to be I've got nothing else to work with.

Fuck The Fair Weather Friends!!!

You know who they are. They're those Friends who there for you when the times are good and yuo've got something to give them, but where are they when the times aren't so good and you are needing a little helping hand a little pick me up?
Yeah, you bitches know who you are . . .

I think it's time to go . .  yeah it's time to go

Fuck The Fair Weather Friends . . . Gimme A real Friend and we're good to go

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<a href="http://phuzzehlogik.blogspot.com>Phuzzehlogik</a>

Jesus Jerky

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<a href="http://phuzzehlogik.blogspot.com>Phuzzehlogik</a>

Memories . . .pressed between the pages of my thighs

This is David . . . <a href="http://photobucket.com" target="_blank"><img src=" http://i72.photobucket.com/albums/i170/f8edstar/DSCF0264.jpg" border="0" alt="David Lor, crying and it's my fault. I'm a pretty shitty person sometimes."></a>a friend . . well he was a friend.Once upon a time anyhow. David is someone who's been on my mind a lot lately. Yes,  he is crying in this picture . . . and it's my fault because sometimes I am pretty mean and I treated David pretty shitty. There was no reason for it. All David did was try to love me unconditionally and I wouldn't allow it. I kept pushing him away and abusing who he was and that was't, isn't cool. All David wanted to do was care for me. I try to think about David as a reminder of what I did to him and why it is that we're not friends anymore. I've tried to talk to him apologize sincerely and from the heart, but unfortunately the damage has been done and I've lost someone that I only recently realized that I care for very much.

 

Yeah I'm a sap, but hey it's the truth.

 

I think about David often. Almost daily. I miss him. I miss him becausehe never really knew what he meant to me.
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<a href="http://phuzzehlogik.blogspot.com >Phuzzehlogik</a>

Boston's Getting a Baby Brother!!!!!!!!!!

A minature Pincher!!!! His name is either gonna be Brewster or Winchell . . . I'm not sure yet maybe4 both. Or I just might change my mind and decide on something else

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<a href=" http://phuzzehlogik.blogspot.com>Phuzzehlogik</a>

The Faultering Rock II ::Not So much as A Happy Birthday

Not so much as a Happy Birthday. I thought I was worth more to you than that. I guess I was deluded.

In a way it validates my reasoning for why I say to you the things that I do Nathan. It's proof positive that you can't care for anyone other than yourself. and Still you hold what I did to you against me. I don't get it. It's ok though. It's just a birthday. Just another day.

Thanks for forgetting. I expected it actually.

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<a href="http://phuzzehlogik.blogspot.com>Phuzzehlogik</a>